PhD (Piled Higher and Deeper)

PhD Comics

Heh heh heh, this comic describes my filing system.

Eats, shoots and leaves

An old joke:

A panda walks into a cafe, and orders a sandwich. Soon his order arrives. After eating his sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and starts walking to the exit.

The puzzled, bleeding waiter asks the panda, "why?"

The panda tosses a badly punctuated wildlife book at the waiter and says, "look me up."

The waiter flips the book to the entry on pandas and it reads: "Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal. Native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

If you don't understand why this joke is funny, you need to go for English class. Many people don't realise how important punctuation, or rather proper sentence construction in ANY language is important. Just a stroke in the wrong place can mean a lot of difference. Let me illustrate with two sentences that strike at a matter that is closer to some people's hearts.

A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.

These two sentences, have the same words in the same order, but the different punctuation make their meanings completely opposite.

The panda joke is the basis of the title of the book 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves' by Lynne Truss. She writes about the importance of punctuation in the English language. I have only read parts of the book myself, so I can't give a full review. All I will say is it's humourous and quite fun to read, despite the seemingly dry topic.

On a final note, there is an Australian version of the panda joke.

Why is an Australian lover like a wombat?
Because he eats, roots, shoots and leaves.

Eh-heh. To root, in Australian slang, is to shag.

No offence to Australians.

Peace

Had 2 nice wakeup calls this morning. First, was AEG groping my morning boner at 5.30. Savoured it for a while before I reciprocated. Then, a very familiar "condom, baby" from her…

After a post-coital cuddle, she got up to do her stuff while I went back to sleep. I'm going to have to get used to being woken up in the middle of my sleep for early morning quickies, or change my sleep schedule. But post-coital sleep is always so… hmmm… deep and peaceful.

At 7.30, she woke me again for work. Had another cuddle and a chat. I decided to take a risk and update her about my parents comments and my perception of their thoughts and feelings about us. It wasn't good news, but she took it well. I had expected her to get at least a little upset, but she took it all in her stride.

So much difference it makes when there's trust and security in a relationship.

Growth

SI's post, Yesterday & Today, struck a chord with me. Last night, while trying to sleep, I caught myself making plans and thinking about issues I would never have considered before, and realised that I've changed a fair bit in the recent weeks and months.

The events over the last year and a half have made me reflect on my life and myself. I used to cruise through life. I was the youngest son, with 2 siblings, 11 years and 13 years older then me. I had a pampered upbringing. My sister paid for my Australian university education. My natural intelligence allowed me to cruise through school without having to really sweat. By the time I came to be born, my dad was making a decent living, so I never saw the hardship my family went through in the early years. What I needed, I had. What I wanted, I mostly got. We weren't well off, but did well enough to enjoy small pleasures. What was beyond our means, my parents taught me was not necessary. I had good results, and aced most of my interviews, so I found jobs easily. I had no care in the world… or rather I wasn't farsighted enough.

My ex-wife is 6 years older then me, and already a AVP in a local bank when I met her. She was promoted to VP soon after. Working in corporate and investment banking meant a more then decent salary for her. I was only earning less then a third of her pay. I still am. She took care of our family finances. Condo, car, maid, enrichment classes for our son, premium pre-school, other luxuries, all possible because of her pay. I did my part too, paying most of the bills, petrol, property tax, the maid's salary, etc. I paid for most of our weekend outings. But I was still cruising along, just riding the wind.

She made plans for a jet-setting lifestyle, travelling the world, being a poet, author and inspirational speaker. My son and I would tag along. She imagined that I would take my interest in photography more seriously, and take photos to accompany her writing. I didn't like the idea when she told me about it. I didn't know why then. I didn't ask myself either. I just cruised along. (Later, I realised why. It was HER plan for us. Although she did share them with me, I felt it wasn't 'our' plan, but HER plan, I was just expected to follow.)

We started to drift apart. I didn't realised we were. I didn't question my disinterest in her, or her plans, or her life. I didn't question the lack of bond and intimacy in our marriage. We got along well (like friends would), functioned well as a couple on the surface, and didn't fight much. No fights = no huge, in-your-face "look here, you idiot, your marriage is cracking" warning signs.

Then AEG came along and turned my world upside down. That was the end of my cruise. I still didn't have direction, but now I was being tossed about by huge waves and blown all over by hurricane winds. I still had some control, but I made several bad decisions and I ended up being divorced by my wife.

After that, I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted. I only knew I had to find my direction and start steering the boat. I had to start making major life decisions. Start deciding on what I really want and go get them.

After much soul searching, I now know I want AEG in my life, and I want us to have a good life together. I want to take care of her, and make her well (she was suffering from depression and still gets relapses now and then). Everything else is a means to that end.

I've changed, or grown recently. I'm more focused now. While I'm still not sure of my exact path, I know my general direction. I'll ride the wind or fight it, to stay on track. I think more about career and financial stuff now. Worry more about money. I reflect more about my relationship with my significant other, and if I can help it, I won't let it slip again. I'm becoming more far-sighted, thinking about issues that never bothered me before. I've become more sure of myself. I've learnt to start listening to myself, my intuition.

I've grown.

So far so good

Things with AEG has been smooth so far. We had a disagreement on Sunday night regarding my divorce terms, but no big fight. I guess now that both of us have commited wholeheartedly into the relationship, we're secure enough not to take a fairly significant disagreement like that as a sign of wavering commitment or selfishness.

We function well together on regular mundane tasks and chores. When two people can synch well on these, it seems like a neglible thing. But when a couple can't, it can lead to feelings of resignation and/or resentment. In time, such feelings, if not faced and handled properly, fester and inadvertently start to corrode the good things in a relationship and affect the intimacy and closenss of the relationship.

AEG and I handle these tasks and chores pretty much the same way and are able to slot ourselves in between each other's activity and complete them with little need for co-ordination and communication. We just ride the same wavelength when it comes to these things. We are also observant and are often able to notice how we like certain tasks and chores, especially our personal ones, done and do accordingly.

I'm messy because I'm disorganised, but I subscribe to the old adage "a place for everything, and everything in it's place." I will abide by that if there is a working system in place, be it mine or someone else's… as long as it's sensible. Frankly, I do have a system. Every pile on my desk has a purpose. If you ask me for something, I can tell which pile it's in. I'm just too disorganised, or I never get round to organising my space, so everything end up as piles on my desk.

AEG on the other hand, is a fantastic organiser, and she subscribes to the same adage. Everything in her house has a place in some basket, box, drawer shelf, whatever… and it's all sensible and logical. It's easy for me to find things in her house, and if I have to ask her, she can tell me exactly where it should be.

Should. Because nobody else in her house can be bothered to put things back when they are done with it, or can remember where they took it from in the first place and subsequently hoard it in some completely illogical location. The good thing is that they have become predictable, so now it's part of the system. If it's not where it should be, then it can only be in one of several other locations. Oh well, live and let live. They should be moving out within 2 years, and her son, we can teach.

Back with my dragon girl

Well… this blog has been dry for quiet a while. I had a lot in my head, but couldn't put it down in words. Didn't even know where to begin.

At the end of it all, I've decided to go back to AEG. (I heard that groan, Curly)

3 days ago. The day before her birthday.

I had expected her to give me a hard time about it, but she didn't. Not much, at least. We still have a lot of issues and baggage to settle, and the short run isn't going to be easy. So no big joyous dance of happiness there.

But I know she's glad to have me back, because:

1. She asked me out on Tuesday night… shortly after I asked her to take me back.
2. She cancelled her birthday dinner on Wednesday with TOG to have dinner with me instead.
3. When she needed to take today off to look after her son (fever), she asked me to take the day off too, to spend time with her.

*Grin* She loves me!

This time I want to make sure "I married the right person."

Just for fun… kissing

You're an Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss – end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug – your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Sagittarius Kissing Horoscope

Your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more. Your Relationship Potential: It could be a fun fling, or it could be the love of your life. Sample your free reading for more details.

What's Your Kissing Horoscope?

Anybody wanna try me?

Sexless

Sigh… after a year and a half of sex almost every other day or more, I'm back to being sexless.

Damn.

Swinging II

Met a swinging couple last night. Nice couple. But last night was just drinks and getting to known each other kinda thing. Got some touchy feely and a nice goodbye snog from the girl.

They had contacted me through AFF last weekend. When I checked out their profile, I remembered a single girl's profile with the same photo and bio-data, and managed to find it again. So last night, when the guy stepped away, I asked the girl about it. She gave me this wide-eyed, "opps, I just got found out" look, then admitted that she flings by herself behind her husband's back too. Needless to say, I was given strict instructions to keep that under wraps.

Interesting.

Well, time will see how this pans out. I think I'll be seeing them again.

Swinging I

Here it comes… emotional swings. My emotions about the break up has swung towards guilt since late last night. AEG has sacrificed a lot to be with me. And now I feel guilty for letting her down.

What is love? When does a loved one come before one's child. I myself have questioned why my ex-wife can neglect me when she herself said that a spouse comes before the children. But it's much easier when it mainly means giving the spouse the attention he/she needs before taking care of the child (assuming the child is old enough to entertain himself).

Here I'm being asked to leave my child behind in Singapore (because he is under the care and control of my ex-wife), and migrate overseas with her.

To put things in contrast, AEG had sacrificed something much more then what she is asking me to sacrifice. Something that I'm still unwilling to reveal despite the anonymity of this blog.

I feel guilt, because all her actions have shown how deeply she loves me, and how much is willing to do for me. Despite all the arguments, fights, conflicts, and disagreements we've had. All the mental and emotional torture we've put each other through and at the end of the day she had still chosen me over a life of material comfort, and emotional and mental peace.

If what she has shown me is not love… then what is?